Safe Space with Sex Workers
Safe Space with Sex Workers
Why take advice from someone you can't trust to stop talking to someone you can?
I have spent many years doing online texting sessions, long before they became so popular during Covid. These can be done in 30 or 60 min sessions in depth or casual hour/all day chats. I describe them as:
“I offer chat/text packages to be able to discuss in detail some of your fantasies. These can be casual or detailed chat sessions that can be completed through any number of text apps
They can be:
~a Q&A~setting up plans for future sessions/custom clips
~talking about your favourite fantasy/roleplay
~learning about a specific kink
Casual chat-messaging back and forth when able during the time purchased.
Detailed chat-my full attention, sexting, some photos, quick responses.”
I have built up a number of regulars over the years and we explore all different kinds of fantasies and scenarios. We describe it as a long hallway of doors and each door is a different subject for a roleplay or conversation. Sometimes we open one door, sometimes two or three doors to weave together a delightful multiple layer experience. My regular clients come back over and over because of how I get work my way into their minds and entice their bodies to new heights of pleasure that they relive for days or weeks to come.
One of my regulars came to me with a desire for a controversial subject matter that I provide a safe outlet for exploring. Many people would be surprised to hear that Freud wasn’t so off in his assessment of peoples desires to be intimate with their parents. This is by far the most requested roleplay I get. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oedipus_complex
I am a believer that if someone has a safe outlet to explore their “less than socially accepted desires” they can keep them in a virtual/fantasy world therefore not harming anyone directly. This is a controversial take on things, but I’ve seen how having that safe space can help people compartmentalize these desires and not let them take over in a negative way.
This client has had strong desires for intimacy with his mother for as long as he can remember, he is in his thirties now. We would frequently do hour long in depth texting sessions to explore the various activities and desires he has craved with her. Sometimes I would play as his mother in first person, other times as a narrator weaving a story for him to get lost into. Once I got to know him he would hardly have to respond and I would just type it while he enjoyed it. These sessions led to the most intense and frequent orgasms of his life, leaving him in a happy floating space of deep satisfaction.
He moved a few months ago and got quiet, we went from a few sessions a week to a few weeks with no sessions. We did one, then a few weeks went by without communication again until I received a long and deeply disappointing message from him. I’ll paraphrase due to length:
He wanted to advise me of a change in circumstances in which his mother actually caught him masturbating and it led to a frank conversation about his bisexuality (which we also explored frequently in sessions) and his mastubation habits. He did not share his feelings of desire for her with her, but they shared some details and decided he should moderate his masturbation habits and see a therapist about his psychosexual issues. He got a new therapist who he says has been really supportive, YET, told him he should stop paying for porn and sex work so he can establish some boundaries.
Ok, so this is great he has some communication, is getting some help that others decided he needed, this should be good right? Perhaps, however here’s the kicker:
He doesn’t feel safe telling his therapist about his desires around his mother.
SO, he went from having a safe space where he could be honest, feel no shame and explore his desires without any judgment, to a space that he cannot share because he feels shame and judgment. How is this better? Why is it ok that he pays the therapist, who he is limited in talking to, but it’s somehow dirty for him to pay the person who he has freedom with?
Why do others, in this case mom and therapist, who don’t know all the details of the scenario get to make decisions that will deeply affect his life? Why is he taking their advice? Why do they get to put their bias’ around sexual desire, again without even knowing the details, on his experiences? Why does a male being caught by his mother exploring gay porn require therapy?
I work so damn hard to create these amazing safe spaces and outlets for clients to live out their needs whether through text or cam, to have these needs met when those in their lives cannot or will not do it. Then, because the world thinks sexuality should be pushed into a box, hidden away, kept as dirty little secrets, these safe spaces are torn away from these clients.
It leaves me utterly heartbroken that the world continues to judge, to hold people to a level of purity that isn’t the right fit for everyone. That natural desires that people feel are seen as dirty, less than, etc. That the people who see them for the whole humans they are, who give them the space and time to feel those needs fully and completely are written off and removed from the scenario. I remain hopeful that someday the world will see sex workers for the deep healing they provide, that we will be on a list in a doctors office along with any other specialist their patient may need. We will be respected and revered for the good we bring to the lives of others.
If you are interested in exploring ideas through text, check here: